fuckers

"love thyself first before expecting others to love you", a man once said this to me, i was hoping for him to be wrong about it, for all i know deep down inside i am a screwed up bastard who has nothing left in this planet to live for. How the fuck am i going to love myself then? Most of my friends may not be as close to me you feel you are to me, not to be too judgemental or criticising but seriously it's true, i am a far different person than what you see in the day of light. At the end of the day when i go back to my room all alone, i sense fear taking it's toll upon my tiny little soul, ripping me apart in the cold dark planet of loneliness. Deep inside, I am neither funny, humorous nor outgoing, i am just a sick pathetic psychopathic bastard for my mind has been fucked up since a long time ago. It's a part of my past of which i wouldn't want to rekinder the painful memories in this blog, nothing can complement the demons i faced. Not that i am willing to let it empowered me willingly, but for some reasons people never seems to care about the things i say or do. It makes no difference to anyone whatever deeds i do, be it good or bad cause nothing seems to matter at all. At the end of the day, i'll just be known as "the Ciggarette provider" or "the chinese ah beng" among my friends. What good does it do when you give charity for the needy? All you get back is an abuse of your sympathy ten folds in place for your care upon them. Nothing in this world works the way as the bible prophesized, the world is doom towards the fiery burning fires of hell.

It's pathetic to know that no one reads your blog, it's even sadder to know that no one cares about the human existing in the world you trample your feet on. Why would i even care about you at all? it doesnt even make sense if anyone would be reading this, as i hope for beter future nothing seems to fall in place.. I should have commit suicide a long time ago, those bastards never see the consequences of their actions, painfull and slow death is what awaits soon. The indegenious trait never fail to cut me up in pieces again everytime i pick up the remaining pieces of my heart together, making a total mess each time i rebuild the arteries and veins. The devil is with me through all this i know, for all i beleive there is no pardon from heaven this time, i am a lost soul of which i enslave myself to this enchanment for life...

I have lost my ability to love now, for i have been rejected by the ones i hold on dearly to and backstabbed by the ones i put my trust in. Even if someone would try in vain to instill love in my cold fragile broken heart i dont trust the sheer pieces of my broken heart would hold up to contain the newly ejected breath of life. So until the day i die, i hope i can get this message out for you to see, you who backstabbed me, you who crushes me to lift yourself higher, you who stabbed me from behind all this time, you who became the fox in sheeps skin, i hope you'll die in eternal pain and suffering, your families will feel my wrath due to my afterdeath, you will get back what you deserve but for those who trully search for the way out, they will not live to receive or feel it for they are the ones who fill this world with filth from their sick minds, die asshole...