**rents...

I wonder why my **rents kept bugging me all the time, even when i vowed to make a difference in my life so honestly. In my 5 months experience in Kuching this time I've tried my very best to comply with every single bullshit that they hate about me, these includes changing my : "earrings (no more), dressing (smart working attires all the time), hair (cut to 3cm longest), shoes (black slick leather shoes only all the time), speech (no more tiau-ing around), overweightness (lost 28 kg), work (attending all of it on time), discipline (no gangster friends invited over anymore), curfews (back home by 12pm)" & in the end i learnt that my father will seriously stop at nothing to destroy me mentally, i learnt an important lesson that is "HE'LL NEVER BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT HE GETS" so tell me how can i fight this fucking sick theory from my father? Even now when i'm settled back here in Malacca, they just woudn't stop, calling everyday to make sure what their CIBAI spies tells them are in sync with what im saying, planning to come to just see me and make sure everything's alright?? yeah right as if i beleive that cause everytime they appear in my life, everything just fucks the hell up.. I still remember the last time my dad showed up in Malacca, immediately i lost my gf, kicked from church, humiliated and a lot more shits i don wanna think about anymore.. So should i just shoot myself in the head? Sometimes i wish i have the guts to just throw away my phone and dissapear into darkness... Fuck this shit, everytime i pick up their phone or sms it will always come down to this ugly feeling, someone please help me...