dillema

So here i am in Singapore. Sipping my coke in my room and slowly thinking about my lousy shitty life in general, it's been a long time since i posted anything about myself. Counting the days, It's been like seven/eight months of me in Singapore? Yeah, so far life's good for me here, the pay's helping me to solve my life's problem most of the time easily. Buying things which i used to dream of due to the fact that i come from a very poor background. Hehe, despite all these, I'm sorry to say that i'm going back to Kuching for good in just a few days time, hell yeah. Yups, you're not hearing me wrong, It'll be another 10 more days of misery left for me to go before i end my contract with HP Singapore. The reason? It's simple, to perform my duty as a good son, sounds dope? Yeah, me dad has got two big hole in the heart this time. If it's a small holes it's easily operated by operating tubes which require just a small opening to make an incersion, kinda risk free. Me dad's case is different, the operation if full of challenges, let me chart out a simple procedure for the doctor's step:

1) stop body to a comma inducing state
2) cut front chest bones to allow access to heart
3) cut out the heart
4) mend it
5) put it back and reconnect the arteries & veins
6) bring back to life from the previous comma state

If all goes well after the operations, it will still be a hard job. Dad can't lift anything beyond 1/2kg due to the chest bones cut off during operation, it'll need some time to heal and at his age it'll be quite a long time i suppose. He'll most probably be wheelchaired for quite some time, as he isn't supposed to move around much anyway to allow maximum healing time. Then there's also the risk of infection, miscalculations of dosages, pills to be taken, mistakes and lots of other details. That's if the operation goes well, what if it doesn't..? That's the shitty part i wouln't wanna wander into.

Well surely you'll ask what if my dad were not to do the operation, would he still be ok? Yeah, he'll survive alright, but then he's gotta watch his diet carefully, not to perform heavy chores, not to be stress out, ample sleep bla bla bla and still risk cardiac arrest at times. Being him, i guess those of you who really know him shall know him really well.

Well most people see my action this time as another stupid, ignorant and a complete utter pile of bullshit. Most of the time, the general comments are like
1)You know you can earn much more in Singapore? Your pay will be like reduced to a quarter of what you're earning in Singapore le, can you take it?
2)You're taking the whole risk thing a bit too far, your dad's gonna be fine la.
3)There's no need to go back permanently, you can go back in the weekends right?
4)You're saying goodbye to your promising future here Jerry...

I don't deny that most of these are the people who are trying to look out for me, these kinda comments are comprimising my beleives. Well, what i'm trying to do is what i want to. No one forced me to, no one influenced me to and no one coerced me into it. It's like you see a blind man crossing the street, to help him or not it's your own decision to make, no one can make that choice for you. If you do help him, you're late for the meeting, if you don't you'll prob arrive at the meeting on time and feel bad once you've read the news about a blind man being hit while trying to cross the road. May god bless me this time around.

stupidity at it's best

One very clever female lecturer once said to me during presentation:

You are suppose to be an expert programmer of a specific language in just 7 weeks, don't give me all the crap about your FYP, taking 7 subjects in a semester and how no one has even studied the language in this entire university before this. The internet has so much of resource for you to LEARN from already. Yes, i don't give a fuck if you can do it or not, the thing is i am a bitch and so what if i want to be one?

The story : We are given seven weeks to learn, write and compose of a program that runs a robot maze like PACMAN game in both C++ and FORTRAN. The end, we manage to write the thing in C++ and we finished up the assignment report as well on time, unfortunately we have to ditch the programming in FORTRAN due to lack of resource and time. The only thing we did for FORTRAN was the report. So far as we're concerned we did quite well for this project since we've got the C++ and other aspects of the project covered. However, during our presentation the bitch decides to skip every other perfect part of our project and asked us to present the missing FORTRAN part only, well with quickgesture we did it and to our horror, we had the worst of all brainfuck from the bitch herself. Whatever i presented she will ask again and again for a few times until i myself got confused then that's when she will start to shoot. In the end, what we have left to defend ourselves are our C++ part and to that, she never even asked us a single thing about it. Damnit, the worst is that my other group mates tak kena the shooting cause i'm the presenter at that time, so that means my own personal marks will be the lowest among all.

Could you please explain what point are you making when all you did was blaming us for the whole time? We did our C++ and other parts of the projects just fine and you never took notice of those. The only thing you knew was the lack of a program in FORTRAN. Sulking the whole moment asking for FORTRAN like a baby, "WHERE'S MY FORTRAN? WHY NO FORTRAN? HOW COME NO FORTRAN? TELL ME WHAT'S FORTRAN? " You basically skipped the whole presentation and asked us to present the report of what FORTRAN is only, when we present you keep on asking to repeat, until we ourselves got lost then you start to shoot, if this doesn't seem to sound like a BITCH at work someone please tell me she's an angel. I would like to make a few statement here to clarify myself:

1) 7 weeks and you're an expert in programming? who the fuck you think you are? Superman?
2) internet as resurce? yeah right, when we refer and come up with our own words, you shouted us as copying in our presentation.
3) taking 7 subjects is easy? you should try expanding your 8 hour a week schedule into my 30 hours a week agenda. See what kind of time you can get for your opinion then.
4) FORTRAN is extinct in MMU, no one studied it before here ok? How to just learn from online? You need more reference such as book and only MMU cyberjaya has the books.
5) This is a BETA subject and yet the difficulty level you imposed are of Delta subjects.


TO THE DUMBEST LECTURER I'VE EVER MET IN MMU
Your wings of flings and affairs with numerous students and tutors is not exactly a big secret, if i fail this paper, mind you i wont be a quiet chinese ah beng fuckhead. Your past of showing off yourself in Bangsar might just be the fuel to your destruction.

insomnia

post suicidal tendencies

Past few days has been a menace, days filled with tons of misfortunes or bad luck however you prefer to term it. The best of all things came first when i decided to fetch a friend of mine who just came back from kl, had to go all the way to town and only after sending him back, the tyres of my bike suddenly punctured and i had to push it a few kilometers to the row of shops under the hot streetlight. I suddenly realised that i only had about rmO in my account and rm4 in my wallet, it was suppose to be my pay day, but the check didnt get through yet, feeling dejected i almost cried in despair as i walk into one of my fravourite hangout shop. Luckily i came to someone's pity and he offered me a small loan of 50 bucks to cover my bike repair cost. My body quickly spring to action as i was late for my class which starts at 2pm after the bike breakdown, so immediately after the repair i went home to bath and recheck my schedule just to find out in horror that the class actually commence at 12pm and i've missed it for good, wahat an idiotic move, moving on it's almost 3pm at that time so i decide to just suck it up and attend my next class at 5pm. The best thing happen next when i went for my 5pm class, i was left all alone in the room, there seems to be no class as the lecturer is on leave, our online system is down for the past few days so i couldnt check the current news on my class.. Damnit, waited for half an hour like a stupid jackass, decided to go back but suddenly felt sick, food poisoning, great way to end a day of miseries.


To be continued....

green satria bitch

One of my friend's birthday is coming soon, so i thought of buying a book or something from jusco to celebrate. Happily i went with my planned trip, anticipating a great trip to MP. Sadly, as i was slowly reaching one of the traffic light, a cibai, lanciau, pukimak, sial, babi, cicak, lansut, lampa, tiao nia ma green colour satria decided to make an illegal side turning in spur of the moment at the traffic light, i was beside him at that moment so i tried to avoid, but too late.. nevertheless i tried turning along with the bastard, which at that moment the cunt decided to slower down his turning speed some more, maicibai.. control macho he manage to turn behind and look at me some more while slowing down and turning.. you think you are some schumacher shit arr puki??


i hit, we banged, and my sweet loving bike lied down on the floor looking miserablely in pain. It's front cover is now broken and the remaining pieces are strewn across the road like sands on the beach, shit, i got up and clean myself, noticed that i've got myself some minor scratches but thank god nothing serious at all. The bastard at first kept going on, then hesitated and when i stood up, waving my helmet and shouted at him he decided to stop at quite a distance away already. I think he got scared cause all the other cars began honking at him when they see me fell down, or maybe because he knows i can see his car plate, or else guarantee run like a pussy already man.. i thought he decided to come over and talk it all out, but my god what he said to me was shockingly rude, for the first time in my life i've heard the best excuse a malay guy can give to me after violating me in public.

"Sana jalan tuh ada bumper la, aku hari hari guna jalan ini turning takde hal pun.. Engko pun takde hal kan?" picking up some pieces of my bike cover and gave them to me, while i remain silent, not uttering a single word because he never say sorry for what he has done while silently putting the blame on me... i am not a confrontational man, it's not my policy to go physical in public so i just pick up my bike and continue going on to buy my stuff..

P/s - let me tell you one thing you fucking son of a bitch, dont you ever let me see you again in the road or elsewhere, for i swear im gonna break those sweet glass you use to see who's behind you in the car you retarded asshole..

controled and then he

pretentional `emotional assholes

a type of person which i hated the most, one of the low bastard which coincidentally appears in this entity we live in, sucking the H2O out of our shares and slowly parasiting his/her way into our lives to meet their own demands. I am sick of entertaining and giving my pity to low life existance like you. My advice is, stop all your bullshit pretention and get a life, im sick of having you around,may god bless you with early death.


characteristics of one:
- will look like an otaku, (the looser in drama's)
- will pretend not to know much and at times can become the webster dictionary (75% rubbish ratio which makes it usefull in presentation)
- will not give a damn even if you fell into a big drain while you are right beside him/her (not a single word or help) usually accompanied by sharp criticism..
- will turn info which you shared to backstab you as everyone buys the pityful looking fella's story
- will never ever offer much but will boast of the act which contains 75% rubbish
- very usefull in ruining your life (sort of an activator for an internal bomb)
- will usually backstab you in front of the opposite sex to gain brownie points
- takes pride in how much they know you told them
- if you tell them abt saddam hussein's case today, tomorrow they'll be back and ask you if you knew that saddam hussein was hanged.
- will not even know this article is him/her even if he/she is reading this

I've trouble getting used thesae kinds of bastards, they seem to be appearing everywhere, like mushrooms after the rain, or is it just me?

like they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. It was my shame to bear anyway, so fuck you asshole...

**rents...

I wonder why my **rents kept bugging me all the time, even when i vowed to make a difference in my life so honestly. In my 5 months experience in Kuching this time I've tried my very best to comply with every single bullshit that they hate about me, these includes changing my : "earrings (no more), dressing (smart working attires all the time), hair (cut to 3cm longest), shoes (black slick leather shoes only all the time), speech (no more tiau-ing around), overweightness (lost 28 kg), work (attending all of it on time), discipline (no gangster friends invited over anymore), curfews (back home by 12pm)" & in the end i learnt that my father will seriously stop at nothing to destroy me mentally, i learnt an important lesson that is "HE'LL NEVER BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT HE GETS" so tell me how can i fight this fucking sick theory from my father? Even now when i'm settled back here in Malacca, they just woudn't stop, calling everyday to make sure what their CIBAI spies tells them are in sync with what im saying, planning to come to just see me and make sure everything's alright?? yeah right as if i beleive that cause everytime they appear in my life, everything just fucks the hell up.. I still remember the last time my dad showed up in Malacca, immediately i lost my gf, kicked from church, humiliated and a lot more shits i don wanna think about anymore.. So should i just shoot myself in the head? Sometimes i wish i have the guts to just throw away my phone and dissapear into darkness... Fuck this shit, everytime i pick up their phone or sms it will always come down to this ugly feeling, someone please help me...